I can’t believe that I’ve been parenting for 12 years!!!
My oldest daughter is turning 12 this week. How can this be? It seems like just a short time ago when we brought her home from the hospital. But, the days turn into weeks and the weeks into years. It’s a season where the days are long and the years are short.
I never really understood what that meant until I was up to my elbows in diapers and sippy cups. I remember the days when my unspoken goal was to make it until my husband got home so there would be someone else here to help wrangle my herd.
Even though my kiddos are now pretty independent, they still call out “Mama” one right after another. Literally, it’s like those birds in “Finding Nemo”…..mama…mama…mama…mama. Or, we can get in the van to go somewhere, and they all ask 15 questions one right after another, rapid-fire style. Homework can be pretty stressful too because they will ask for help all at the same time to which I respond (with gritted teeth), “I can only help ONE person at a time.” Stuff like this can really get to me and wear me down. You get it, right?
I never dreamed that all of this mothering would ever get on my nerves so much!
Before I had children, I couldn’t wait for the day that I could be a mother. For so many years, I felt so empty. Yes, I loved my husband and family, my job, my life. Yet, that desire to have children seemed so out of reach and often impossible.
The longing was so present and heavy.
It was this longing that drove me to my knees in prayer, study, and pursuit of God. I dug in deep. As the longing grew more intense, it drove me to the heart of God. First, perplexed in questions and demanding my way. But then, faith strengthened through understanding my identity and His Ability. Finally, maturity refined as my resolve surrendered to His Will. It was after this surrender, “Lord, whatever you have planned for me is best.” was when my longing desire to be a mother was fulfilled!
It was the longing that kept me questioning and pursuing. It was the longing that kept me praying. It was the longing that kept me running after God until I wanted Him more than I wanted a child. If I hadn’t know the longing, I wouldn’t have discovered the amazing faithfulness of God and the perfect timing of answered prayer!
How could I ever take for granted the 4 precious gifts given me after such a refining journey? Yet, I find myself there quite often.
Mother’s Day always brings me back to my longing. I reflect on the days before I was a Mother and think about the women who are missing the unborn children they’ve never held or the women who are experiencing their own longing. I may get distracted by the day to day grind, but the feeling of that longing is never too far away.
I pray I never forget the longing.
If you are going through a longing of your own….don’t give up. The journey may not be easy, but God will be faithful to bring you through the longing.
If you have experienced a longing of your own…don’t ever forget the purpose that longing fulfilled in you.