On the Outside of the Circle

She sat across the table from me. She didn’t say a word. We were a bunch of women who  attended a workshop together, so the hotel restaurant seated us at one table. Some ladies knew each other and chatted away about this and that. Most of us were strangers. I knew a couple of ladies on my left and spoke to them occasionally, but mostly, I watched the others around me.

I watched to see if any of the other ladies would strike up a conversation with the woman seated across from me.  I thought that maybe I should talk to her. But, I was stubborn. I was grumpy for being at this particular restaurant. I had wanted to go some place else, but for the sake of the group, I went with what they wanted. I selfishly thought “I always talk first, let somebody else talk, why doesn’t someone talk to me??” (Yes, there was a little pity party going in my head) So, I sat there, ate my chicken, and observed.

She waited for her food, ate her hamburger in silence, and left.

I was saddened that no one around that table said a word to this woman. She wasn’t included in any of their conversations. Then again, I was guilty too. I didn’t say a word to her either:/

Why is it we stay in our groups and keep to ourselves? Why is it so hard to widen our circles just a bit to include someone sitting just on the outside? Why is it we sit at the table and just talk to the people we know? At work? At a restaurant? At church??

Maybe some of you are better at it than I. Maybe you don’t let these opportunities walk away like I did. Maybe I’m a little sensitive to this subject. Oh I know…some of us are shyer than others, and some of us are more outgoing. I have to admit that its hard for me to open up with a new person until I feel comfortable with her. But, I’ve been on the other side too. I’ve sat on the outside waiting for someone to talk to me. I’ve been the newcomer awkwardly hoping to get in on the conversation. It’s not enjoyable. So, maybe that’s why I notice it.

So, I’m trying to be better. I am trying to include the newbie, notice the one off to herself, and reach out to make that connection. I’m not going to let a woman walk away without saying something to her anymore. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but I’m trying. I’m trying to be better because relationships, friendships and connections are the silver and gold, the real stuff that matters. Eternal.

What has been your experience? Is it easy for your to strike a conversation with anyone?Have you ever been on the outside of the circle?

~Amy

 

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9 thoughts on “On the Outside of the Circle

  1. What a great post! I will be more observant in the future to make sure that all are included in conversation.
    Shelia @ House of Highlands

  2. Great story, Amy. I’ve been there on both sides and neither place is a satisfying place. I tend to be shy so I have to be prepared in advance to have a conversation opener in my head!

  3. Unfortunately I happen to be just the opposite. I say ‘unfortunately’ because it seems to be impolite to just start talking when you’re not ‘invited’. When I notice someone being ignored, I say something to them. That’s good, but then I take up ALL their time! That’s bad!and before long, they know just about ALL my history! If I am the one on the ‘outside’ I introduce myself and mention where I’m from. Usually that gets the ball rolling!

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